


Miss. Swan’s Drunken Dragon Escapade

by LadyLaviniya



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Dragons, Drunk Emma Swan, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, Nighttime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 06:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11984484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLaviniya/pseuds/LadyLaviniya
Summary: Emma gets drunk. Then she meets a dragon and spills her guts. But she doesn’t worry. She’s not gonna remember this in the morning anyway.Loosely based on Miss. Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid.





	Miss. Swan’s Drunken Dragon Escapade

Emma groans as she stumbles out of The Rabbit Hole bar to her loud yellow car illuminated by a streetlight some odd paces away.

People. So many people shamelessly clamoring for her attention like she’s some kinda celebrity thing in that hot, stuffy shithole. So much touching and camera flashes and gross men trying to get in her pants. Ugh! Can’t a girl unwind in peace?

A half-open bottle of malt liquor is all she manages to swipe before slipping out of sight, but she’ll make do with it for now. She’ll have to go back inside to pay anyway, but that’s sober Emma’s problem when she gets to it.

Speaking of being sober, she’s still got enough common sense in her current state to know driving while anything but is a bad idea. Which makes her car useless. Crap.

She quickly types a text she hopes is coherent enough for Regina, Mom, Dad, and Ruby to understand. It’s got her name, the location of her car, and her half-open, but completely untouched malt liquor as a prize for the first person who gets her baby to her house. Also maybe don’t tell Henry. Because he’s her baby too, and no matter how old he gets he always will be.

“Don’t... worry... about me. I’ll... be... fiiiiine! Smiiiiley, winky face, star emoji, aaaaand... send! Yes!” She pumps a fist in the air. “Mission accomplished! More alcohol! Yeah!”

She sets her liquor on the hood of her car, making sure the cap is firmly in place before turning tail and walking the way she knows will lead to Granny’s. With luck, whoever gets her message first gets to her car and the prized liquor fast. Shoulda enchanted it that way, since there has to be such a spell for something as mundane as this, butttt alas. Not her problem anymore!

* * *

When she gets to Granny’s, there are, thankfully, less people than The Rabbit Hole. In fact, there are no people. Only Ruby with a shot of something.

“Ruby-Dooby-Doo!” Emma giggles as she accepts the shot glass, “Thaaanks. Whazzup?” She takes the moment to close her eyes and gulp her drink, only to cough when it goes down wrong. “That’s not alcahol!”

Ruby shakes her head.

“It’s water.” She pulls out a bottle from behind the counter and slides it over. “If I can’t read your text—which, by the way, I _can’t_ —what makes you think Snow, David, or Regina will understand?”

Emma pouts. “Well, I thought it was fine. All I said was where my car is...”

Ruby quirks a brow. “Where is your car, Emma?”

Emma’s pout deepens. “Rabbit Hole...

“But if ya hurry!” she adds, breaking into a wide grin, “There’s a free bottlela malt liquor in it for ya!” She giggles, flipping her hair over her left shoulder and gesturing dramatically at the front door to the diner. “Run like the wind, Ruby!”

She can tell by the sigh Ruby emits she’s not happy with her, but it doesn’t really bother Emma that she isn’t. In fact, it’s hard to think of anything that could bother her right now. Even though she did just get tricked. But that’s over and done with now! It’s fiiiine.

Before Ruby leaves, she guides Emma to a booth and helps her sit down. The bottle of water comes along too, as does a wash basin she has just lying around the place for some reason. Emma rests her chin on her arms and closes her eyes. This is nice.

“Promise me you’ll stay put,” Ruby says firmly, “I’m going to get your car, and then I’m gonna drive you home, okay? Emma?”

“Mmmm! Yeah!” Emma nods, sitting up. “I promise I’ll... pay stut—wait! Ssssay put. Play soot! Yeah, that. What you said.”

“Close enough. Stay here!”

“Here! I’m—I’m here!”

And just like that, she’s alone, the ringing of the bell above the door to the diner the only indication she ever had good company. Where’s Ruby off to, anyway? Emma said the word ‘here’ like she wanted.

“Well then...” she mumbles to herself, rubbing her eyes and letting loose a loud, open yawn, “Guess I’d better get some sleep or somethin...”

She hoists herself up and starts to make her way to the back of the diner where the bathrooms were, only stopping to go back for the water bottle Ruby gave her for a few sips.

Then it hits her.

She’s alone.

In a diner.

That serves alcohol.

Ruby won’t be back for a bit...

Welp. Bedtime can wait.

This time, though, she leaves her wallet and car keys—oops—on the counter to pay for what she takes. She’s got enough, she knows it. And even if she doesn’t, well, she can make it up. It’s no biggie.

She trades her bottle of water for a bottle of wine and books it for the back. Whatever happens now, it’s not her problem anymore!

* * *

Emma sprints into the woods as fast as her legs can carry her, wind in her face, wine in her hand, and the taste of sweet victory on her tongue. When she’s far enough away from town she knows Ruby won’t be able to hear her, she yells in triumph.

“Ha-hah!” she laughs, stopping to lean against a tree to catch her breath, “This izza great night!” Having made sure to grab a newly opened bottle, she takes a much-needed swig and walks on, stumbling her way through moving tree trunks and their dancing branches. She’s doing a pretty good job of not walking into anything so far, which is nice because the further away from town she is, the less bright it gets. There’s a connection in that train of thought somewhere.

Anyway, eventually, she makes it to an open field, and when she looks back, the man-made lights of Storybrooke—or, magically-made lights because that’s how the town came to exist at all—are as dim as a dimwit. That also means the natural light of nature and the sky and the stars and the moon are out, and fireflies are about.

But right now, right in front of her, there is a faint outline of a large creature in the field also revelling in the peaceful night, and after squinting to get a better look, Emma gasps in delight.

There’s no mistaking it—that creature is a motherfucking dragon!

“LILY!” she yells, running towards it, arms open wide. The dragon groans as it shifts and turns to acknowledge her existence. She throws herself upon it like a toddler to an uber large bouncy ball, nuzzling cold, semi-rough scales with her whole face. “SHIT AM I glad to see you! I see ya got the hang of the dragon thing!”

The dragon snorts. That’s her only warning, and it starts to lean over on its side—her side—either to shake her off, or to crush her. Emma takes the hint and plops on her butt by it. The dragon stops and goes back to its original position before she disturbed it.

“Yer kinda rude as a dragon...” she mumbles. Then she remembers the spoils of her miniature raid in her hand and lights up again, offering the bottle by holding it up. “Share a drink wit’ me? I needa talk with you ‘bout sut’n import’nt...”

The dragon actually sighs, as though her request is somehow unreasonable. Since when does Lily refuse a chat, especially when drinks are involved? Nonetheless, it obliges, soundlessly spreading its large wings to hide its face and letting smoke engulf its entire body to change back into human.

Emma watches the transformation with a lopsided smile. How pretty the whole sequence is, how dramatic! Poof! And the entire dragon is gone! Just the girl remains! She giggles at that a little.

“I don’t suppose you’ll leave otherwise, will you, Emma?” Lily asks. Her voice is deeper tonight, and much smoother like fine silk. Must be a dragon thing. Who knows what thoughts are running through her mind when she’s a dragon? What ancient wisdom passes through her veins like magic, or fire, or fire magic?

Emma crisscrosses her legs and sets the bottle of wine to the side, patting the spot before her with both hands. Lily sighs again, but sits. She’s dressed all in white tonight, maybe a nightgown or something, and the moon behind her gives her brown hair has a golden outline as though she’s a blonde. As though she’s her mother.

“‘S what I wannada talk to you ‘bout...” Emma mumbles again.

Lily cocks her head. “Beg your pardon?”

Shaking her head to clear it, Emma grabs the wine bottle and thrusts it toward her companion. “Drink! Here! Yer not gonnawanna hear me sober!”

“Very well, then...” Lily’s laugh is melodic as she takes the wine and swallows only a sip. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Yo mama, that’s what!”

“Er, okay. What about... her?”

“Solike... you know ‘bout the curse, right? The one R’gina cast and it made the town and yadda, yadda, you know all that, right? ‘Course you do, ‘course. Dunno WHO TOLD YOU but you know somehaow. Now ‘m—” Another swig, “—wait, you know whaa, it’s funny how... you, like, knew before me, and you believed b’fore me, butlike... I...” she smacks her hand over her chest, “I di’n’t know jack shit, and I’m the one who hadda do all the work... breakin’ the curse and... shit.

“Point is...” she hands the bottle to Lily, “In ordada do that, I...” She can see the images in her mind. What she remembers happened anyway. Not necessarily in order. “Oh God... Oh, God, Lily...” Lily lets her grab hold of her hands, just as tears blur her vision and starts rolling down her cheeks. “I killed your mom! I’m so sorry...!”

“I—I... She...” Lily stammers over Emma’s sobs, releasing one of her hands and patting the crown of her head in awkward little taps. “She’s... fine, Emma. Magic resurrected her and brought her back. She’s okay.”

Emma sniffles. “She didn’t come back wrong?” she whispers, blinking up at Lily with still-glistening eyes. “Are you sure? Do you know how easy it is for me to fuck up, Lily? ‘Specially as the Savior? It’s so easy...”

Lily leans forward, cups Emma’s chin, and kisses her forehead in one smooth stroke. Her brown eyes almost look blue this close. “You’re tired, dear, and _so_ wasted. Let me take you home.”

Unable to disagree, Emma nods. Lily helps her wipe the rest of her tears away, and she sniffles. Suddenly she wishes she brought her water with her. “Will you...” she swallows, “tell Maleficent I’m sorry about... the sword, and the... sword?”

Lily chuckles. “I’ll be sure to do that.”

“‘N maybe...” Emma closes her eyes, leaning forward and resting her cheek on Lily’s shoulders, “Maybe tell her...” she yawns, “She’s kinda hot when she’s not... dead...”

Lily doesn’t answer her this time, but Emma doesn’t care. At Lily’s suggestion, she comes to realize, yeah, she is profoundly tired. Must be all that alcohol. She moans when she feels a draft as Lily pulls away and picks her up—probably with all her brute dragon strength—and she’s placed, on her stomach, on something curving, but solid.

Wind pushes down on her as she realizes whatever she’s on, she’s going up, and up, and up... and then it’s smooth sailing. She can hear the flapping of wings as though a giant bird is right beside her at the moment, and feel the large, cold, bumpy scale-like things under her cheek and the palms of her hands. How long did it take Lily to master this anyway? She’s pretty good now. And everyone still lives.

Ah well. Not her problem anymore.

* * *

She wakes up with a raging hangover the next day, but instead of the blinding light that usually accompanies her bedroom, that she’s aware of as it bypasses her eyelids, it’s surprisingly calm and dark.

Carefully, Emma opens an eye to see why, and finds Lily once again, tending to her.

“Hey,” Lily greets her with a small smile and a quiet voice, “You had quite a night.”

Despite herself, Emma chuckles. “Don’t you mean we did? You were with me, weren’t you? We shared a bottle of... something, I think.” She frowns when Lily hangs her head to hide her laughter.

“Nope. I swear. It wasn’t me. I was sleeping.”

Her brow furrows. “But that’s impossible. Who the hell did I...”

A soft knocking gets their attention and Emma groans at the noise. Maleficent enters with a small potion bottle with green liquid inside. She eyes them both with a sweet smile, her hair in loose blonde waves tumbling over her shoulders, and places the bottle on the bedside table next to Emma’s head.

“This should stave off the agonizing pain you must be feeling from your binge last night, dear,” she says, brushing Emma’s hair from her brow, “I think you’ll find I look much hotter without its hindrance.”


End file.
